Carter U.S.M. / Sex In History

CARTER U.S.M. / SEX IN HISTORY

Good morning. I’m writing this from my room in my hometown of Irvington, better known for its strict, voodoo-practicing substitute teachers. A woman was arrested this week in Irvington for performing a voodoo ritual on her rowdy 7th grade students and threatening to burn their houses down. I swear I think I had her as a sub back in 8th grade. Who knows?

Anyway, I am listening to this tape I got. It’s 30 Something by Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine. It’s great. Carter U.S.M. has a wide range of musical styles; from heavy guitar-riff trash; to techno/industrial dance; to whatever style you call what sounds like The Smiths. The music on this tape is so varied that at times it’s hard to think that it is the same band throughout; Except for the distinguishing quality of the lead singer’s slightly nasal, very East-Ender voice.

Lyrically, the tape is one of the most cynical, depressing and sarcastic efforts I’ve heard in a while. Now, I usually don’t like “CYNICISM FOR CYNICISM’S SAKE” or just to be hip (i.e. “Ooh, I hated that movie/song. Didn’t you?”) but this is focused, called-for cynicism. The songs on this tape take a hard look at our apathetic society and rub our noses in the excrement we have built up around ourselves. Some songs are about our obsession with alcohol (“Anytime, Anywhere”), our addiction to consumerism (“Shopper’s Paradise”), the decisions confronted by teens (“Billy’s Smart Circus”), and the false emotions and sentimentality of greeting cards (“Say It With Flowers”).

From listening to this tape I couldn’t picture these guys smiling at all. But who cares about smiling when you can make songs as brilliant at these. Now, I want to get their first tape 101 DAMNATIONS to see if they were as happy then as they are now.

On a completely unrelated note, the other day my friend Ron Thompson gave me a “get well” gift that he thought I would find amusing. And boy did I! It is a book by Reay Tannahill titled Sex In History. It was originally published in 1980, but this is the revised and updated 1992 version. This book is fascinating! It discusses our world’s changing views on sexuality and sexual practices from the swinging prehistoric times, right through to our AIDS infested present. It is amazing to read about different countries’ attitudes towards sex, especially sexual deviations. Best of all, it is ILLUSTRATED!

Among some of the things I learned from it were: The word lesbian comes from the Greek Island of Lesbos where “even the most respectable women became infatuated with girls”; The Islamic belief that the Lord punished women with 18 things (because of the Eve vs. Apple debacle) two of which were Menstruation and Childbirth; A peek at the Kamasutra from India; The fact that the Egyptians invented contraception by using a vaginal sponge; The French Marquis de Sade popularized the notion of Sadism & Masochism (S&M) -but I already knew that; And that the only two societies to ever approve of sand encourage male homosexuality were the Greeks and the Mayans. Interesting stuff, eh? Thanks, Ron.

In movie news, I’m looking forward to two Columbia Pictures productions to be released in 1992. One being Stephen King’s Sleepwalkers staring Madchen Amick (Twin Peaks) and based on Stephen King’s first original screenplay. Now no one can say the book was better! The other is Bram Stroker’s Dracula starring Gary Oldman, Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, keanu Reeves, Cary Elwes and Tom Waites, six of my favorite actors. It’s directed by Francis Ford Coppola and it’s due in the summer.

On a final note, I’d like to say a prayer for the Haitian refugees that our government sent back to Haiti to get persecuted and murdered. It’t too bad we didn’t allow them the same freedom that our ancestors came here to find. We came here to escape persecution, but now we stop other people who seek to escape the same. Go and try to figure out the fascists.

Well, didn’t my column read like Liz Smith? She’s mah hero!